the way I loved you
by Esmeralda2134
Summary: Hermione is dating Ron, but has a hard time coping with the feelings she still has for Draco. When a song reminds her of them, what will she do? DH complicant, except for epilogue " I never knew I could feel so much. And that s the way I loved you" D/Hr


**When I first listened to " The way I loved you" by Taylor Swift, I immediately thought about this scenario. Please read and review!**

**Disclaimer : I don´t own Harry Potter or the song.**

**The way I loved you**

I´m in my room right now, applying make-up. That´s right, I, Hermione Jean Granger, war hero, part of the golden Trio, am actually getting ready to go on a date. With Ron, on top of all persons.

I know, I can hardly believe it myself. After the war ended, we sort of had a fall out because of the though times and because he wasn´t ready to make any commitments. He needed his space to clear out things while all I wanted was someone to hold me and give me the strength to make it through.

That´s why we drifted apart for some time. I buried myself in school work and head duties and other ways to overcome my solitude. I don´t really know what he did after we returned to Hogwarts to redo our last school year as everyone else did.

But I don´t want to think about right now. All that matters is that in the end, Ron was ready to be with me. That in that one night after I broke down he was there for me and comforted me. That he saved me and still saves me.

Now I should really stop thinking about the past and figure out where my hair straightener is. As I rummage through my drawer, I come across a CD, Lindy, my cousin, gave me for my last birthday. It´s still wrapped , as I never listened to it. It´s by a woman named Taylor Swift and I´ve never heard about her before either. She probably is some newcomer.

I actually listen to muggle music most of the time. Honestly, the whole wizarding world is great, but the music is terrible. You can basically choose between being freaked out by the Weird Sisters or suffering from tinnitus for the rest of your life after enjoying the amazingly shrill voice of Celestina.

I´ve always liked to listen to music before going out because it gets me in the right mood., so I unwrap the CD and put it in my CD-Player that finally works after re-charming it for the third time. Radio might have killed the Radio star, but magic definitely killed the video star. I´m probably the only person that managed to get her muggle things to work around here.

I also discovered my hair straightener behind a pile of old t-shirts and as I run it through my unruly curls, in an attempt to make them sleek and shiny for my three-month anniversary date with my boyfriend, I start to listen to the CD.

The songs all are soft and girlie and tell about how amazing love is. I like them. I´ve always been romantic behind my bookworm image. Yes, i am always calculating things and I´m more a head than a heart person, but I´ve always wished for someone I could just stop thinking for a moment.

Suddenly a new song starts playing and it immediatly catches my attention. Once again, I can´t control my own thoughts to mingle with the lyrics...

_**He is sensible and so incredible  
And all my single friends are jealous**_

Yes, Ron is. He always tries to make me happy, he is the perfect guy, and Lavender is still not over him, which would fill me with joy if I wasn´t much too mature to lower myself to that level. (although it´s known everyone has his childish moments, right?)

_**He says everything I need to hear and it's like  
I couldn't ask for anything better** _

I´ve never felt as secure about myself as I feel with him. Of course, I never lacked confidence, but it´s nice to have someone that shows me everyday that I´m amazing.

_**He opens up my door and I get into his car  
And he says you look beautiful tonight  
And I feel perfectly fine** _

Well, he obviously can´t drive a a car. But he´s picking me up at my dorm when we have a date and tells me I´m stunning. He makes me feel nice because he appreciates me and he is not expecting anything in return. He just likes me.

_**But I miss screaming and fighting and kissing in the rain  
And it's 2am and I'm cursing your name** _

I really shoudln´t, I know. I´m unfair. Still, I can´t help it. I spent nights lying awake cursing you and cursing me even more for not being able to forget.

_**You're so in love that you act insane  
And that's the way I loved you** _

Yes, you did. One moment you were mad and the next one you hold me and kissed me, telling me you were sorry. And I loved you for it. It was wrong, but it didn´t make a difference at the time.

_**Breakin' down and coming undone  
It's a roller coaster kinda rush  
**_

I could never control myself around you. I never managed to be cool and logical around you like I normally am. you made me loose myself, but for some reason, sometimes you need to loose something first before you can find it.

_**And I never knew I could feel that much  
And that's the way I loved you  
**_

I didn´t only feel good things. I felt hate and passion and anger and love all the same. It was a confusing mix of swirled emotions, but they were intense. I feel like I stepped out of a thunderstorm right into a light breeze. Everything is calm and organized now, just like it should suit me.

_**He respects my space  
And never makes me wait  
And he calls exactly when he says he will** _

Ron is the perfect boyfriend. He is there for me when I need him( well, he wasn´t there the two times I needed him the most, but he makes up for it now). He never hovers when I don´t want him around. He is reliable. He is my safety net. Still, I feel like I´m falling, deeper and deeper...because of you.

_**He's close to my mother  
Talks business with my father  
He's charming and endearing  
And I'm comfortable  
**_

My friends love him. My parents love him. I respect him. Iguess comfortable really is the right way to describe how he makes me feel. My old pullover also makes me feel comfortable but it looks not nearly as exciting as my new, red silk blouse.

_**But I miss screaming and fighting and kissing in the rain  
And it's 2am and I'm cursing your name  
You're so in love that you act insane  
And that's the way I loved you  
Breakin' down and coming undone  
It's a roller coaster kinda rush  
And I never knew I could feel that much  
And that's the way I loved you** _

It´s in past tense. That´s the silver lining I have to look for. I may have loved you, but I don´t anymore. It´s firmly in the past. Ron deserves my love now.

_**He can't see the smile I'm faking  
And my heart's not breaking  
Cause I'm not feeling anything at all** _

I pretend that I love him, because I really want to. I smile and he has no clue that the smile he compliments on so often isn´t my real one. My heart isn´t whole nor is it broken. Being with him is like taking the strongest painkillers. Numbing me to the point where i can´t feel anything at al anymore...

_**And you were wild and crazy  
Just so frustrating intoxicating  
Complicated, got away by some mistake and now** _

You were unpredictable. I was never sure what you would do next. That frustrated me to no end, but you intoxicated me even more. You were complicated, I love riddles. You got away and I´m left without an answer this time.

_**I miss screaming and fighting and kissing in the rain  
It's 2am and I'm cursing your name  
I'm so in love that I acted insane  
And that's the way I loved you** _

I was insane by thinking this could work. By thinking i could leave our past behind and start new. And I was insane because loved you.

_**Breaking down and coming undone  
It's a roller coaster kinda rush  
And I never knew I could feel that much  
And that's the way I loved you oh, oh **_

Someone knocks at my door and I look up, trying to gather myself and think of Ron. Guilt is pulsing through me, but I push it away. I have to focus on my incredible sweet boyfriend now and deal with this strange feeling later.

I open the door, a fake smile plastered on my face. It drops the moment I recognize the boy standing there. He´s not smiling either, but he stares right into my eyes and all the emotions I´ve been suppressing suddenly break free, flooding my mind.

_**And that's the way I loved you oh, oh  
Never knew I could feel that much  
And that's the way I loved you**_

The song ends and silence covers us like a blanket. After all that happened, I have no idea what to tell **Draco Malfoy**.

* * *

I hope you liked it. Plz review and tell me what you think and if I should continue this story.


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